So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
