bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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