So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
