lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
