Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
