I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
