I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
