Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
