Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The air taste purple.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
