my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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