she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
