Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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