I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
