He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
