Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im holly from the hills drunk
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
