so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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