btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
