Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
