But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Randomize
