In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
