Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
