Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
