i just identified you from a description of your pipe
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
my poor anus
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
