On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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