I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
