Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
