ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
