i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
