I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
