Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's the barista slut.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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