doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
