hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
