If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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