I just saw a hot homeless man
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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