I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
