I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
