I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
