either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
