just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
