Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
