we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
