Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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