we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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