Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
