I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
