Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
