Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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