We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
