dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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