hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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