..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
