Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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