would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think a kid would responsible me up
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
